"My mum noticed Hazel looked a bit yellow" – Kelly's Story #FullTermFeelings

I was admitted to The Grange University Hospital in Cwmbran, Wales, to be induced as I was 42 weeks pregnant. We had a straightforward birth and our first child, Hazel, was born on 11th October 2023, weighing 8lb 15oz and appearing healthy.  

After initial checks a couple hours later, my mum noticed Hazel looked a bit yellow. I was told by nurses that Hazel was just going to be checked by a doctor due to concerns of possible jaundice. My husband went with her as I did not think they would be gone for very long at all. 

The next thing I knew, my husband called me really upset and telling me Hazel was being admitted to NICU.  

When I got over there, she was in an incubator covered in wires hooked up to machines with lots of staff around her, and I could not hold her. It all felt very rushed. I did not have a clue what was going on and the seriousness of their concerns came crashing down on me. I was completely overwhelmed and I could not believe what I was witnessing.  

When things had settled, I was told she had significant jaundice and ABO blood type incompatibility. This is a result of me and Hazel having different blood types, which caused me to produce antibodies that destroyed my daughter’s red blood cells. Jaundice is a symptom of this. I was absolutely devastated and felt so guilty even though there was nothing I could have done to change this. I was undoubtedly in shock, having no idea she was going to be born poorly. You never expect this to happen to your child, especially as she was born full term.  

Hazel was treated with intense phototherapy, which meant I could not hold her whenever I wanted. She also had to have intravenous immunoglobulins. It was a very scary time for us as she very nearly had to have a blood transfusion. 

Just when we thought things were going smoothly, Hazel picked up an infection and was treated with antibiotics for late onset sepsis. Hazel also really struggled with feeding, which again added to the pressure and guilt I was feeling, especially when we told she needed a feeding tube.  

In total she spent five days on NICU, before being moved over to the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) for a further five days. This was where I finally got to stay with Hazel in our own pod as she no longer needed intensive care. Those 10 days when she was unable to come home felt like a lifetime. They were undoubtedly the most challenging and exhausting time of my life – emotionally, mentally and physically.  

During my time spent on NICU, I saw support material from Bliss which I glanced over when passing through the corridor. I was also made aware of other forms of support whilst on the unit, for instance the chaplaincy. However, at the time I was on auto pilot and kept telling myself we would not be in hospital much longer. 

You also cannot help but compare your situation to others and think other people have it much worse than you, and therefore you do not need the help. But our time there kept extending, and looking back on it, I think I would have benefited from speaking to someone at Bliss, even to know I was not the only new mum with a full-term baby in NICU.  

I would advise any parent going through a similar experience to reach out for help as soon as possible. Length of stay, reason or what gestation your child was born at really does not matter, your feelings are still valid. Having to head home each night without your newborn is gut-wrenching.  

Whilst there, I did not come across any other full-term babies, and in a way, I felt bad, as if we should not be there in the first place. Hazel was huge in comparison to the other babies, but deep down, I knew this did not mean she was less poorly.  

So many emotions and feelings came up during my NICU experience – helplessness, loss of control, confusion, frustration, anxiety, stress, utter sadness, all amplified by being a first-time mum. But Hazel was resilient and so was I.  

Hazel is now 14 months old and absolutely perfect in every way. Her health issues from birth have caused no lasting impact. She’s recently learnt to walk, so she keeps us on our toes! Hazel loves many things – her food, going outside and seeing the ducks, her books, nursery rhymes and her furry sister Matilda, to name a few. We are in awe of her every day. Our NICU experience seems like a very distant memory, but a very prominent one that has made us realise how precious life really is.