“I felt robbed of the simple things” – Ellyn’s Story #NeonatalFeelings

Sadly, both our daughters had NICU stays. Our first daughter was born at 34 weeks and required a nine day stay on the unit. It took me a long time after this to recover mentally and I really prayed when I got pregnant the second time that things would be different.

Though I was warned about the chances of a second premature birth, nothing could have prepared us for the second stay. Our second daughter was diagnosed with a condition called gastroschisis at our 12-week scan.

We were told she would need surgery at birth and to prepare for an eight to 12 week stay in the NICU after birth. She later arrived quite abruptly by emergency C-section at 35 weeks and went on to stay in NICU for only 3 weeks. However, that NICU stay still haunts me. She was much more poorly than our first daughter.

I felt robbed of the simple things such as being able to have a baby, be with them on their first night on Earth and take them straight home. I now suffer from PTSD, nearly two years later. Nothing really prepares you for how it feels to be in the NICU environment, not even our original experience helped.

It is not only seeing your own child ill but watching other families around you suffering. It is an intense place, a wonderful place and a scary place all at the same time.

We will forever be grateful for the amazing staff who cared for our daughters.