"It's too early, my beautiful baby cannot possibly survive," I thought as I held the hand of such a tiny fragile little boy.
Our gorgeous baby boy Harry was born at 27 weeks weighing just 2.2lbs on 20 November 2015.
I cried in agony as I was driven to the hospital by my boyfriend at 4am on a Thursday morning. I had no idea I would be coming home a few days later without my baby inside of me.
Harry spent an extremely long 95 days in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). We faced a roller coaster of emotions. I found myself both laughing and crying in the same day. Every time I arrived to visit Harry I heard monitors bleeping and always knew it would be Harry's, so seeing babies come and go was really hard; I was so happy for the other mums and dads but so wanted it to be Harry's turn to go home.
Harry suffered chronic lung disease throughout his time in NICU, needing oxygen to help his lungs grow.
We had so many amazing and proud moments like Harry opening his eyes for the first time, breathing on his own, going from an incubator to a cot and moving out of intensive care. It got harder as he grew older – as he became more aware of his surroundings it was harder to leave him. I kept thinking, "He doesn't know who his mummy is," despite me spending all day every day with him.
We kept a diary and wrote down each day to day event of Harry's time in NICU. It's only when we read this back today that we realise just how far he has come.
After weeks of the doctors trying to wean Harry off his oxygen, the decision was made that he would be coming home on oxygen. A few weeks beforehand this would";ve been hard to get our heads around, but by now we didn't care – we just wanted our baby boy home.
A couple of days later Harry's discharge day finally came; this was the happiest and scariest day of our lives.
Harry has now been home for seven weeks, he is five months old and weighs a whopping 10lbs. Life has never been better. When people say to us "It must be so hard having a baby home on oxygen", we reply, "What oxygen?" It just seemed to easily slot into our lives. Last but not least, we owe our lives to the amazing doctors and nurses at NICU who looked after our boy during the toughest first few months of his life.
If you have been affected by any of the issues mentioned in this post and would like support, you can view our online support pages or email hello@bliss.org.uk. If you would like to share your story with Bliss, please email media@bliss.org.uk